Bike Parking

Because of tall fencing around the school campuses, when I get to leave early (due to having a last period prep--yay!), I have to walk out the front door of the office and around the school to get to the parking lot. (When I leave at the end of the day, gates are open, so I can walk through campus to get to the parking lot.)

The current school schedule gives me more opportunities to get out of work early. (Don't worry. I still get paid for a full day.) And, there's something that I noticed every time I had to walk around the school. I've been meaning to get a picture of it, and last week I finally did.

Thursday

Friday

I got the shot so quickly on Thursday that I did not notice my shadow in the way. (There were students I knew standing there, and I didn't want to explain what I was doing.) So, Friday, I decided to take another picture. And then I realized that having two pictures really shows it.

The sign reads "DO NOT PARK YOUR BIKE HERE". And that student parks that bike under that sign every day.

Every. Day.

I'm not sure who I'm laughing at. The student? Or the sign poster? Because, seriously? There are ways to figure out who's doing it. And the student just doesn't care.

There are two other fenced in HVAC units at the front of the school. They also had signs on them. (One of those signs fell down.) And they also had their very own bikes regularly parked there, but not lately. 

There's just one student holding on.

(There is a fenced in bike parking area. With bike racks. And I'm sure they lock the thing during the day, so it's way safer than the front of the school.)

A Friendly Reminder

It's nearing the end of the year. The 7th grade history students had been given a year-long project at the beginning of the school year. It was time for them to present (in front of the class) what they'd done.

Most of the presentations had been done the prior week. A few stragglers still had presentations to make up.

(The class was being taught by a student teacher, so things could go on as normal even though the full time teacher was out of town.)

Class had barely started. The student teacher called on a student. "You're presenting today."

"I know!"

Normally, the tone the student used and the fact that he rolled his eyes would be a these-kids-today-are-terrible post. But not today.

The prior day, the student had been pulled out of class. He had a doctor's appointment or some such--something he had no control over.

At the end of the period, someone in class thought it might be a good idea to remind the student that he'd be presenting the next day. The student teacher asked if anyone had the student's cell phone number. It turned out that over half the class did. (A class of 37 students.)

So, every student who had the kid's number texted him to "let him know" he'd be presenting first. They figuratively blew up his phone. According to the student teacher, the later texters were getting responses of "I know!". I imagine with appropriate emojis.

Middle school teachers have a wicked sense of humor.

(His presentation went very well. He did an awesome job.)

You're Not a Train

The other night as I was perusing my Twitter feed, I stumbled upon this post:

You are not a train. pic.twitter.com/pq3JGiLxSV

— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) April 23, 2018

I have not laughed that hard in a long time. Too long.

So, I'm sharing.

I don't know if you'll find this as funny as I did. But sometimes something just strikes you, you know? And if you want more laughs, take a look at all the replies. They go from the obvious (pointing out that there are plenty of people who can't read the sign who aren't trains) to the ridiculous.

This is now the wallpaper on my phone.

Did you find this funny? (I doubt you found it as funny as I did.) When was the last time you had a really great laugh? Do you have any good jokes you can share?

Today's A to Z Challenge post brought to you by the letter...

Auditioning for the Ministry of Silly Walks

I like to throw out the occasional obscure reference. Well, the references are obscure to middle schoolers.

A girl complained that she was afraid that the ceiling was going to fall on her. She pointed up...

I looked at that cracked tile, and I thought something completely different. I told her I'd be worried about other things... (I did mention Doctor Who. She was perplexed. Luckily, the girl behind her knew what I was talking about, and I freaked her out in an entirely different way.)

But this week a weird thing started happening. Or maybe I started noticing it.

Boys, for reasons unknown, have broken into dance at random times. Usually while walking across a room. Or in the door. Or out the door.

There's no music playing. Well, maybe only in their heads.

So, I've been commenting: "Auditioning for the Ministry of Silly Walks?"

I'm greeted with blank stares. Brilliant.

They never ask. Oh, I want them to ask...



Well, one did ask. When I told him to look it up, he wanted to do it right then, on his phone. Sigh.

I have to keep myself entertained somehow...

Full Disclosure

How much should a sub tell the class about a teacher's absence?

Most of the time this is a non-issue. I don't know where the teacher is and I admit as much to the class. (I could, of course, lie and make up a story, but that's just not me.) But there are times when I do hear something...

All Ms. P said in her email was that she had to see her dentist. That was the part addressed to the principal. The rest of the email contained the lesson plans for the day.

Do I say she has an appointment? Do I say she has an emergency? Do I say she's seeing the dentist? It's hard to know how much she tells them. It's hard to know how much she wants me to relate.

Algebra 2. 1st period. The class arrives...

"Did you see the picture?"

"I didn't click on the link..."

This conversation and the students expecting to see a sub led me to inquire further. Turns out the teacher sent them an alert that she wasn't going to be in class. She included a selfie. She broke a crown, and... Well, it looked painful.

What? I asked to see the picture. Several students were willing to show me.

Well, now I don't have to worry about how much info to share with them.

Sounds Like

7th grade world history. They were working on a project about China.

A student asked if he could look something up on his phone. He needed to find an image of something so he could draw it for his project. (They were creating "scrolls" of Chinese inventions.) So, once I said yes to one, I had to say yes to the rest of them.

Surprisingly, they all used their phones for their assignment. (Well, mostly. There was the incident of the boy who took an unauthorized picture of a girl...) They were looking up maps. They were looking up images...

One boy gave Siri a query: "Images of ships."

Siri gave him images of chips.

The boy was not happy. Others in the class chimed in on how hit and miss Siri can be. I figured the room had a bit too much noise for Siri to make out what the boy was asking. So, I suggested that the boy emphasize the "sh" sound...

The boy didn't get images of ships. But what he got images of did start with sh...

(I really should have seen this one coming.)

"Who takes pictures of their poop?"

Who indeed?

Leaning Tower of Markers

Ever have one of those weeks that just kind of gets away from you? A weekend where you're going to write up your blogs for the week like you normally do, but one thing follows another, and suddenly it's Sunday night, it's time to make dinner, and there's no way the blog is going to get written?

Yeah, that was my week. So, I'm kind of scrambling. (Because wouldn't you know that it's also my week at Unicorn Bell?)  

Which is my long winded explanation as to why I'm doing a repost today (even though it's Tuesday, and I do reposts on Tuesday). This one was originally posted on June 17, 2008. 

The last day of school is tomorrow. Today they are on a block schedule for finals. The seniors took their finals last week. The math analysis class had a large percentage of seniors (none of them at school today), so they all took their final last week. That meant two-plus hours of nothing-to-do.

The teacher left me a movie selection, and I let the students pick which movie they wanted to see (again). But, of course, many of them weren't pleased by the selection, and they had to find other things to entertain themselves.

Suddenly I heard a commotion. Each student was throwing something towards the boys in the back corner of the room. Then I saw it, and everything made sense.

Each desk had a small dry-erase board, a dry-erase marker, and an eraser under it. The items being tossed--dry-erase markers.

The boys had taken several markers and attached them end to end. At this point they had enough markers to reach about three feet. And with the new markers that had been tossed their way, they were making a go of reaching from the floor to the ceiling.

These were the thicker markers, but at three-foot tall that makes for a very thin "tower". So, the inevitable happened--the thing swayed and broke. The boys would not be deterred, however, and they picked up the markers and continued.

One boy held the bottom steady so it wouldn't break, and a second boy continued to add markers to the top. The "tower" got so tall that the boy had to stand on a chair, and then a desk to reach the top. More markers were tossed their way. I suggested that they might need a third to hold on to the empty section so that it wouldn't break and fall. Eventually someone did.

The "tower" failed several times before the boy got up to the ceiling. He didn't reach the ceiling, but he was within inches. Another marker wouldn't have fit in the space between the last marker and the drop ceiling. One of the girls in class snapped a photo, and the boys let their handiwork fall.

Why didn't I put a stop to this? They didn't have an assignment. They weren't doing any harm. And it was entertaining.

Besides, it made for a great story to put in the note to the teacher. And now the markers have been collected and put in one place (which I'm told is on the agenda for tomorrow).

Had a Very Shiny Nose

Passing before 6th period. Middle school--likely 8th graders. (The student wasn't coming into my class, but the teacher next door also taught 8th grade. I think.)

"♫ ♪ ♫ Rudolph the red nosed reindeer... ♪ ♫ ♪"

Um, it's January...

And then I remembered what I look like.

I woke up on Sunday with the ugliest big red zit on my nose. It discolored my entire nose, making that feature look a bit like W.C. Fields'. (I'm not posting a pic of this awfulness. You're welcome.)

I hadn't spent much time thinking about it. No one said anything to me about it. I only remembered when I looked into a mirror, or when someone sang about red noses...

Gee, thanks, kiddo. Way to be subtle. 

Oblivious

5th period geography. 9th graders.

First, I collected their warm ups from the week. (Many teachers assign a quick question or two for the students to answer while they take roll and get things started. They collect this once a week just to make sure the students actually do it.)

For some reason, collecting work is always a huge production. I announce it. I wait. Many pull out the paper immediately and pass it forward, but there are a few that take their time, can't find it, and hold up the whole process. I will announce, "Make sure your name is on your paper," but I still get nameless pages.

Somehow, we managed to get this done. I paper-clipped these papers together, put them aside, and then I called for their map packets. Same procedure.

I had about 3/4ths of the papers in my hands. A few papers were still making their way to the front. Discussions ensued, because their instruction was to remove the first page, make sure their name was on the second, and then pass these up. Most did this without incident, but a few hadn't been paying attention.

So, we're in the midst of all this when a voice from the back of the room announces:

"Do we have to turn anything in today?"

[Insert sarcastic comment here.]

Although, I didn't. Make a sarcastic comment, that is. I didn't have to. The rest of the class took care of it for me.

I stood there and listened. They pretty much nailed it. And said it better than I would have.

Christmas in October

Earth science. It's a tricky day. The class is populated by 9th graders who failed 8th grade science. My primary job is to clamp down on any crazy behavior.

For the most part last Monday, the classes were okay. They were loud, but I didn't observe much crazy. Until 5th period.

One student took something like five tissues and headed for the door. This is such an everyday occurrence that it normally deserves no remark. What elevates it to blog-worthy came next.

The student stood in the doorway and playacted blowing his nose. He put the tissue on the tip of his nose, blew so the tissue fluttered out in front of him, and then crumpled the clean tissue, finally disposing of it in the trash. He did this five times.

(He stood so that he was facing outside. I tried to get close enough to see who he was playacting for, but I never did get to see which girl he was trying to impress.)

When I questioned him, he went to the corner of the room, sat on the floor, and declared that he was in a "time out". Like he was a kindergartner or something. (His fellow students thought this hilarious. Somehow I managed to get him to sit in a real chair like a high schooler.)

After that, the class settled to restaurant on Saturday night noise levels, but the key word here is "settled". They sat and sort of worked.

Then from another corner of the room, I heard singing. "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".

Um, it's October. We haven't even had Halloween yet.

Then a student in the opposite corner of the room broke into "Frosty the Snowman".

Apparently, I wandered into cartoon land without even realizing it.

(I ran into their teacher the next day. He was not amused by any of this.)

When is the strangest time you've encountered someone breaking into Christmas songs?

Rock, Paper, Scissors Test

Sometimes I do things that perhaps I should not do. This originally posted on September 19, 2008.

Today I covered special ed. Fourth period was the "monitoring" class, which meant that any students who needed to take a test in a resource room did it with me watching. I figured that since it's Friday, there would be a lot of students taking tests. Nope. Just one.

"Which amendment has to do with being able to try a civil case in front of a jury?"

Yeah, nice try. I told the student that he'd have to figure it out on his own. It was a test, after all. So, then he asked me what grade he would get if he got 7 wrong out of 25 total. He figured that was an acceptable grade, so then he went about guessing on those seven that he did not know.

How do you guess when you have four choices? First he asked for a coin. When I told him that I did not have one, he came up with another way to guess: rock-paper-scissors.

I'm not sure how he reasoned it. Something about I was a/b and he was c/d. So, we played. I threw scissors; he threw paper. So, then I was a and he was b and we played again. Sorry, I forget who "won". He did this for three different questions.

Should I have helped him guess? I've been thinking about this. He would have made random guesses with or without my help, and it's not like I was steering him in any particular direction (I didn't even look at the test). I was kind of like a Magic 8 Ball here or a random number generator.

It didn't matter for long. He figured out a way to eliminate answers (which is much better than random guessing). He got some scratch paper, and he managed to finish the rest of the test on his own.

I wonder what grade he'll get.

Career Survey

Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but I have favorite students. This girl was one of them. I originally posted this on November 14, 2007. She graduated in due course, and I haven't seen her in a while. I hope she's doing well.

"Maybe I should put down 'prostitute'," the girl said.

This perked up my ears. I inquired further. The students were supposed to be doing this careers survey thingy. One of the questions had them listing careers and how these careers fit into the three criteria that they had already listed as being most important to them. This is the question the girl was referring to when she said the above.

I was against. She was kidding. She wanted to write down something that would get a rise out of the person correcting the assignment. I got that immediately, but I wasn't so sure that the person who was correcting the assignment would see the joke. The girl agreed with me. She figured that such an answer would blow up in her face.

So, the discussion turned to other careers that would be twisted enough to make the girl feel like she was playing with the assignment but wouldn't come back to haunt her. Taxidermist. Mortician. Artist. Artist?

"What's wrong with being an artist?" I asked.

The girl explained that she actually did want to be an artist. This was a train of thought that I encouraged. If she wants to be an artist, then why didn't she just do the assignment as given? Explore becoming an artist.

That would be too much like doing the assignment, I guess.

Break In Fail

Opportunity class again. The group has gone crazy. But rather than tell you about all the idiotic things they did (read: throwing things and mock fights), I'm going to relate the one thing that made me laugh.

The room had this kind of a door handle/lock thingie:

There is a key that will keep the latch hidden so that the door can remain unlocked. I had the room unlocked. (My issues weren't in keeping kids out of the room.) But then it was time for snack, and before I left the empty room, I made sure it was locked.

When the latch popped out, I noticed a piece of scotch tape hanging below it. Upon further inspection, I saw that someone had put that piece of tape across the latch kind of like in movies when someone wants to make sure the latch won't engage (usually so the hero can sneak into the place after hours).

They used scotch tape.

No way that heavy duty latch could be held open with scotch tape.

They think they're clever. They don't realize how much they don't know. (I wish I could be there when they try to sneak in later. I would love to see how they react when they learn their scheme didn't work.)

On another note...

My contest ended Wednesday night. I got three entries. I don't want to decide amongst them, so I decided to award all three the prize. I'll be emailing you either today or tomorrow to work out details. (Briane: your profile doesn't link to your email, so I'll DM you on Twitter.)

I'm a Hologram

As with most student conversations that lure me in, I joined late. The thing that caught my ear was the statement, "I'm a hologram."

Huh?

Reggie was arguing with three other students. Reggie reminded them that Tupac was dead. The others disagreed. They all claimed that they were holograms too. (How this proved that Tupac was still alive did not get explained to me.)

Reggie touched one of them. He told them that if they were really holograms, his hand should pass right through them. Hands passing right through? The three started giving Reggie the proof he needed.

"See, it passed right through my hand."

Yep, the pencil did pass through the student's hand--between his fingers. He tried the trick again using another pen, but Reggie pointed out the obvious. The other student seemed to think his point was proven.

Then a second student showed how his finger went through a piece of paper. After he poked a hole through it.

Reggie was beside himself. I couldn't stop laughing.

"I can walk through that wall."

The door was open.

"See, that girl just walked through that wall."

She left the room to use the restroom. She left through the open door.

I told Reggie that it wasn't worth getting worked up about. He should enjoy the show as much as I was. (I normally keep a straight face when such things go on, but this time it was just so ridiculous that I couldn't.)

Eventually, the conversation turned and Reggie found other ways not to do the assignment. (They were to write two facts per page from their reading from the textbook. Reggie wrote: "Jupiter has gravity." I thought that was a bit general and vague.) The class ended without further reference to holograms...

Then, after lunch, I opened the door to let the students in. As students passed outside, I heard calls.

"I'm a hologram."

Okay. Fine. Whatever.

Freshmen!

The Herding Instinct

The continuation high school held their annual career fair today. Over the course of the morning, the students got a chance to hear presentations by various recruiters. Others set up booths where the students could learn more about options for after high school.

The fair itself was pretty much over with a half hour left in the school day. The students were obligated to stay, but it was considered their lunch.

In previous years, the students would stand around complaining about having to wait until the end of the school day. Today, however, the students had something to entertain them. One of the booths was from a local DJ school, and the DJ was playing music in the stage area outside.

A crowd gathered. Various students got up on the stage and busted out their best dance moves. The office staff got out cameras and recorded video of the proceedings. (I so wish they'd post it on YouTube. I think that it will end up on the end-of-year DVD that goes along with the yearbook.)

It was nice to not have the students complaining about having to wait around. They were having a good time.

Then two students headed for the gate. They were followed by a dozen more. And suddenly, the entire stage area emptied as the whole student body went for the gate.

I turned around and checked the clock. They still had three minutes left. That was time for another song!

They all stood there, in front of the locked gate, and waited. As soon as the final bell rang, the gate was opened, and the school grounds emptied as fast as they usually do.

I couldn't stop laughing. Who had decided that it was time to leave? And then they stood there. Waiting. Hilarious.

It's the little things that amuse me.

High School Troubadours

This morning, a boy was wearing a t-shirt with this on it:

Very funny. (By the way, x=5. And I didn't even have to resort to the Pythagorean theorem. Gotta love those 3-4-5 right triangles.)

And now for something completely different...

If I ever get around to writing a screenplay set in a high school, I'm going to include troubadours roaming the walkways. Why? Because it's true to my experience.

(Troubadour may not be the correct term, but it evokes the feeling, so I'm keeping it.)

In the same class as the boy wearing that t-shirt, another boy had his guitar. As there is a guitar class on campus, I'm used to seeing students toting around guitars. And seeing them playing guitar as they walk from class to class. Sometimes they try to play guitar in class.

Normally, I stop this. They should be doing the assignment for the class they're in, after all. (When I cover the guitar class, I let them play, of course.)

It was near the end of the period, and the class was behaving acceptably. The boy was finished with the assignment, so I didn't stop him when he got out his guitar. The other students said it soothed them, so I let him play for a bit.

He wasn't bad. At least he didn't play the same lick over and over again.

Then the period ended.  

Two Wrongs, Three Rights

Yesterday I covered a 7th grade math class.  After their warm-up, I was to go over any homework problems that they wanted to see done.  Every period requested the same 4 problems, so by the end of the day, I was pretty good at them.

For one of the problems, they had to divide two negative mixed numbers.  Before converting to improper fractions, I said to the class: "A negative divided by a negative is..."  This has been so ingrained that they replied with the correct, "A positive."

I did this so I wouldn't have to keep writing the negative signs.

But before I could go on to the conversion, one boy in the back asked, "Then why do they say two wrongs don't make a right?"

Interesting question.  That would have made an excellent discussion.  But I had been warned that this class could easily get off task, and they were 7th graders.  We would not have had a discussion.  We would have had a shouting match.

I know this from experience.  Classes that were as wound up as them (one boy thought it funny to get up and dance behind my back) would have veered way off topic, and we would have wasted the entire period.  They would have gotten what they wanted--not to do the worksheet assigned.

I replied to the boy: "That is not a math question.  Although, three rights do make a left."

Mistake.  They didn't get the reference.  (I wish I remember which comedian made that joke.)  And it took my stern voice to get them back to the question at hand.

I don't know why I bother to tell jokes in class.  I'm the only one that ever gets them.

Just Kidding Around

Re-entry.  These are the students who aged out of the continuation high school.  They spend four hours in the afternoon/early evening working to finish their remaining credits so they can earn a high school diploma. 

It's a nice change of pace.  The teacher is rarely out--so rarely that it's been more than a year since I last covered this class. 

The main group of students arrived.  They went to get their folders.  One student couldn't find his.  He went to the instructional assistant (IA) for help. 

"The reason you can't find your folder is because I took it.  You've been dropped from the class.  Too many absences." 

The student was shocked.  He couldn't speak.  He looked for words to explain... 

"Gotcha," the IA said.  "I'm kidding." 

Turned out that his folder had been put in backwards, so I saw it from the back.  The student was relieved.  The IA told him that he should have seen his face. 

After two hours, they get a 15 minute break.  If they do not return from the break on time, they don't get to return to class.  When all the students should have been back, we noticed that one student was missing.  He walked back into class five minutes late. 

The student said that he didn't realize that it was time to return.  The other IA told me that he was never late, was always on task, and was never a problem.  What to do? 

The first IA opened it up to a class vote.  Should he be allowed to stay?  They voted to keep him in class, so he stayed. 

This is a great class to cover.  These students (I don't call them kids because they are all over 18) are focused on getting done and graduating (late, but late is better than never).  It makes for an easy day. 

Why Ninjas?

I used to have a MySpace account.  I started my blog there.  But after I had a few too many technical difficulties, I moved the blog here.  I have since closed the MySpace account.  I hate to lose all of my blogs from that time, so from time to time I'm going to repost them here. 

This one was originally posted on October 21, 2006.  I was covering three days between long-term subs.  The first long-term sub's assignment was up, but the next long-term sub couldn't start until the next week.  

The question asked them to describe how sugar dissolves in water.  It had nothing to do with ninjas.  


It was supposed to be a step-by-step write up, but since less than 1/4th of the class actually turned anything in, I was being generous.  If they made an effort and at least got in the ballpark, I gave points.  


Mostly the papers were on topic.  The answers were rather vague and undefined.  However, they were freshmen mostly, and I was only there for three days, so I didn't have a chance to school them on how to properly answer such questions. 


And then I got the paper on ninjas.  It went something like this: the ninjas attacked the sugar molecules while the water molecules fell to the sidewalk, shaking (wait, the sugar was quaking on the sidewalk while the ninjas attacked the water...oh, bother).  Then the ninjas used grenades to blow them all up, thereby combining them...  Oh, it was a mess.  I read it three times.  I laughed out loud.  


I did give him a couple points.  One for turning something in and one for making me laugh.  Like I said, I was being generous. 


The other paper I got from him also referenced ninjas, but by the time I graded that I was not as amused.  I'm not quite sure if he was just being cute, if he didn't have an answer, or if he thought that I wasn't going to read it.  Mistake.  


I graded all the work I assigned so that the next sub only had to deal with that which he assigned.  As it turned out, I didn't have all that much to grade.  

Oops

It looks like tomorrow's going to be a doozy...

As I was checking in this morning, the secretary was busy with a third teacher who was filling out a sub request for Friday.  The secretary kept handing the paper back to the teacher because she had forgotten something.  She did this like three times.  Then the teacher left, and the secretary could check me in.

When it was just the secretary and me, the secretary showed me one of the requests.  The date was filled in: May 14th.  The reason was there as well: "unchallenged".

The request was just missing one thing: the teacher's name.