Thursday, April 5, 2012

Judging Yourself

What if we had no idea what anyone else thought of us?

Well, really, we don't. We can't know for certain what is in anyone else's heart. We may deduce certain things by how people react to us, look at us, talk to us, but we can't be sure that it's about us. (If I have a disgusted look on my face, it might be because I just read something that bothered me and not in reaction to a person who just walked by me.) The only way we know what someone thinks of us is when they tell us what they think of us.

Of course, what anyone else thinks of us is not really about us. It's about them. How you judge someone else is more about your belief system, your background, and your own self image than it is about who you're judging. Most judgment is a projection of some sort.

But I'm getting away from my point. What if you didn't know what anyone thought of you? What if every negative, judgmental, and belittling thought they had about you was completely blocked from your perception? Would it make a difference to you?

Theresa Milstein posted a link to this article on Facebook, and after a day of trying to get through to the end (the site keeps crashing due to the traffic, I think), I finally was able to read it. It got me thinking, and this is where my thoughts went. (It was a long and strange train of thought. I blame the Solitaire.)  


  1. I don't think it would make a difference to me because I only have two friends and I know they don't think of me in that light. And when I say I have only two friends...I seriously only have two friends. I spend 95% of the time alone in my house (my two friends live in different states). What I mean to say by this is not to illustrate my aloneness...rather, it is to illustrate my frustration with the world. I believe that most of the people I work with, and interact with, and see every day think I'm a piece of shit. They all have this superiority thing going on from being Mormon here in Utah. And it comes across in condescending tone, looking down the nose, them feeling superior and just saying things that have condescension. So insight into how they actually feel inside would just be validation. A lot of people I know in real life are just hateful, jealous, and smug.

  2. Interesting. On one hand it would be liberating not to be able to pick up on it at all. I feel like it would make me less socially reserved. On the other, it might be frustrating not to perceive anything at all. I wonder....

  3. Excellent post. I'm sharing it.

    We do spend too much time operating on assumptions of what others think of us. It's a waste of time, especially when we think of the hate and prejudice that exists. Who's worth judging us if they're coming from a dark place? I learned as a child that people can use religion to say and do twisted things. Makes it harder for those of us to try to be kind.

    I live in Cambridge, where being gay is just a way of life. My kids go to school with kids who have gay parents. The world isn't ending here. I'm proud of my community.


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