Monday, March 21, 2011

The Banishing

It's time for the second Crusader Challenge. (Click on the link for the rules and to check out the other entries.) If my calculations (or at least my Word counter) is correct, this is just under the 100 word limit.  


The goldfish bowl teetered on the rock. The creature swam hard the other direction.


“Bek, you have been sentenced to banishment from human society. You will never again reside in a human’s body,” Jad said.  

The creature continued to try to steady the goldfish bowl. Jad kicked the bowl off the rock, and bowl and creature hit the lake below.  

“This was a mistake,” Kwa said.  

“You would have us kill one of our own?” Jad asked.  

“Bek would.”  

“This shows that we’re better than Bek and his kind.”  

“I’m not so sure about that,” Kwa said.  

25 comments:

  1. Ooo...I wonder what Bek did to deserve such a banishment. It sounds bad. Great piece!

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  2. What an interesting take. I have the same question as Cherie.

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  3. Great use of dialogue! I'm curious to hear the rest.

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  4. Excellent story in such a short amount of words. I also am curious as to where it might go....

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  5. Banishment, cool! Interesting that you tried/used a lot of dialogue, too, since a lot of other entries are all or mostly narrative.

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  6. This is way different from practically everything else that I've come across in the crusade.

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  7. Cherie & Theresa: The banishment, well, that's another story...

    Sierra & Jeanne: If I ever finish my novel...

    Carol: Is that a lot of dialog? I guess I watch too much TV. I tend to think in dialog.

    Michael: Really? Gee, thanks. I thought mine sounded much like some of the other entries that I've run across.

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  8. Oooo! A little mystery and a little sci-fi-ish! Intriguing. Good luck!

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  9. Raises more questions than it answers. Good job!

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  10. Very interesting, nice work :)

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  11. Very interesting- turning into a fish as punishment.

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  12. Why was Bek banished? I want to read more :)

    Nikki

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  13. Mary Mary: I'm glad the sci-fi came through. It was hard to keep that in.

    Ben: And I was trying to be clear...just kidding.

    Trisha & Summer: Thank you.

    Nikki: Maybe you'll enjoy my novel...if I ever finish it...

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  14. I liked the amount of dialogue. It keeps the action moving.

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  15. Definitely left me wanting more! I like the names, very cool. ☺
    I also love that your word verification word is "demented" right now! Haha! Just, fyi.

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  16. I'm sensing a whole world behind this snippet. Curious...

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  17. Interesting premise and characters! I enjoyed the dialog. Great entry!

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  18. Callie & Nicole: Thanks. I didn't realize I had used that much dialog.

    Amanda: Yes, there is a bit more to it. Just a bit...

    Happily Cheesy: I'm glad you got that. It's hard to convey a whole word in less than 100 words.

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  19. very nice - def. potrayed an interesting if trifle scary world

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  20. Interesting premise! I'd like to see what happens to the characters next...

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  21. love the mystery! look forward to seeing what happens next!

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  22. alberta: Thanks.

    Deniz & Sylvia: So, does this mean I have to come up with a next?

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  23. Nice, lots of questions from this. Thanks for sharing.

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  24. I have so many questions about what happened. Very cool!

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  25. Built some suspense in 100 words. Nice.

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