Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Accused


"He hit me."

I had been warned about Rafael. There was a whole paragraph in the lesson plan about him. He had a one-on-one aide. If Rafael acted up three times, I was to instruct the aide to take Rafael out to the office.

7th grade world history. They had a packet to work on. I meandered near Rafael several times, and never did I see anything written on his packet. He wasn't even trying. Well, he was trying to play around. But as most of the rest of the class was ignoring him, all he could do was dance around in his seat and make loud observations.

When Rafael accused his aide of hitting him, my attention had been elsewhere. But while I wasn't looking directly at him, my head was turned in his general direction. I would have noticed movement if there had been any. (It's like when a student raises a hand. I may not be looking at the student, but the movement gets my attention.)

The aide had a full seat between himself and Rafael. The aide did not hit him. I would have noticed that sort of movement.

I went over to Rafael. He repeated his accusation. I told him I didn't believe him. (He wasn't holding a body part and moaning. I saw no marks on him. None of the other students in the vicinity chimed in as witnesses.)

"I've known Mr. C a while," I said. "I know he did not hit you."

Rafael admitted he hadn't been hit. So, I moved on.

I wonder about these kids sometimes. How do they get this way? I wonder if he'll ever calm down or if he's going to end up in an alternative placement.

37 comments:

  1. Not to mention that was a horrible accusation. Again, things we never would've thought of doing as kids.

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  2. You just never know. I sure hope Rafael gets the help he needs, whatever that may be.

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    1. Yeah, I do too. Having the one-on-one aide is a start.

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  3. I think it is the leniency of today's world. These kids have no consequences for anything! They have been raised in the era of 'time outs' Many parents are just ignoring their bad behavior. Things are so different than the days of yesteryear. I know people always say that. But it is true. When I was growing up a problem child, in the classroom, was removed to the principal's office, where he received a paddling. End of story. Most times it only took once. My grandkids talk of disrupted classrooms as the norm. Very sad

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    1. It is NOT true! Your generation did not come from some magical place where everyone behaved perfectly all the time! At least not according to my mom any everyone else I've met who's older than me who got in trouble and did the exact same things that happen today.

      Parents are not ignoring bad behavior, kids are not going wild. And it's SICK to say kids should receive "paddlings" for misbehavior. They are children. They do NOT deserve to be hurt. And guess what, a lot of studies have proved that corporal punishment does way more harm than good. The only reason it would take "once" is because kids would be terrified to do anything out of fear of being hurt. And that is a horrible way to live!

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    2. Keep in mind he was one kid. And problems are still sent to the principal's office.

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    3. I will not fight with you out of respect for Liz! Just my opinion!!

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  4. I think he probably didn't get the positive attention growing up from parents and was looking for any type of attention, negative, consequential, etc. So sad!

    betty

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  5. This kid does have issues but one is he is starved for attention. I had a neighbourhood friend that I went to school with who constantly claimed she broke her back or her ankle when she clearly didn't. Later she got attention but from boys and had her first abortion when she was 12. She had run away from home when she was 15 and the police knew her well. Her parents gave up on her but I would always try to talk with her. When she was 16, she was gone and in an abusive relationship. Thankfully she was strong and she met a man who stayed. When we were 12, she told me her parents didn't lover her and I argued with her because they gave her the latest clothes, figure skating etc... When I asked how did she know my parents love me, she said "They give you discipline." I was shocked! I didn't quite understand how that could show love but I will never, ever forget that. She also told me the only one who never gave up on her was me which made me feel proud actually. She ended up quitting smoking when she was 18, married that man, and despite having ups and downs, she became a nurse. This boy can go either way but he probably does not get the right attention at home and may have a critical or cold parent if I go by what my friend had. Wow...I talked a long time

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    1. The fact that he has a one-on-one aide means someone is paying attention. Since I'm not privy to his IEP or anything about his background, I have no idea what else is going on with him.

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  6. Honestly, my younger son is a compulsive liar, and you'd never understand why if you saw the household he's raised in. There are just some kids who act out because they don't fit in, and they really are just crying out for extra love--usually more than can be offered.

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  7. Any student who merits his own aide has a dim future.

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    1. I don't know if that's necessarily true. He's young. He might grow up. It could happen.

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  8. I feel for this kid. The therapist in me wonders if he does this because he craves attention, or if there is something else psychologically going on. Either way, it's sad.

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    1. These are good questions. Ones I can't answer as I won't get anything about his background (and if I did learn something, I wouldn't put it on the blog--privacy concerns and such).

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  9. I wonder what is lacking in his life, too. But I am not a trained mental health professional. I think he is crying out for help; the type of help that schools are not designed to give. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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    1. No, but they are trying to do something. Hopefully it's part of a comprehensive plan to help him.

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  10. This makes me think of a kindergarten student I had. She acted out at school because she was neglected at home. I think she just needed someone to show her that they care.

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    1. Possible. I won't know, nor may I ever find out.

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  11. I would love to give you insight, but the best I've got it "Entitlement". A lot of people now a days are raised to believe they are entitled to whatever they want because they are 'special snowflakes'. When introduced to regular society, they quickly realize they they aren't simply going to be GIVEN what they want so they have to manipulate it out of people. At that age, they're testing the waters to find out what works.

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    1. I don't expect insight. I'm fine being in the dark about it.

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  12. Yikes. That's a difficult situation.

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  13. I guess it sometimes comes down to the parents or the circumstances of their home life? Who knows what difficulties are going on. But this is big attention-seeking behaviour.

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  14. I agree with other commenters, sounds like he's acting out to get any kind of attention that may be lacking elsewhere in his life. Which is sad.

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    1. It is. I hope he finds what he needs.

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  15. We could blame it on the parents, but I think you see this in families where there are multiple siblings and this is the only child who behaves this way. If it is a cry for attention, I wonder if he's feeling neglected at home somehow? Of course, a lot of psychologists believe our personality is formed before we even reach school, but it still seems as though the parents could somehow give him the support he needs to feel wanted and loved.

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    1. There's no telling where this stemmed from. I don't look for reasons. I just have to deal with the issues on the day.

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  16. I guess after a while of subbing you begin to pick up on things … like noticing movement, recognizing that no one was a witness, and also seeing that he, obviously, wasn't hurt. I am surprised he admitted he was lying though?

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    1. I think it was clear I wasn't going to believe him. I wonder if it's just a maturity thing.

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  17. I walked past a student once and we brushed shoulders. He screamed out "You just pushed me! I'm telling my mother!" I just said there were thirty witnesses who saw that I didn't push him so to stop being ridiculous. He shut up after that. Kids have this sense of entitlement which befuddles me sometimes.

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    1. Oh yes, I've seen examples of that. Kids...

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  18. A kid reported that I had punched her. All hell broke out as happens in these circumstances. She was proven to be a liar and her mother a malicious awful miserable woman, and after being proven innocent - not easy, the school authority put the kid back in my class. Shit!

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    1. Oh my! After that nightmare, that child should have gotten another placement. But I'm sure no one else wanted her around after that.

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  19. What an awful thing to say. I feel bad for the aide having to deal with that. Hopefully he doesn't get put trough the wringer over a fake accusation like that one day.

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